We all care what other people think, even if we pretend like we don’t. A healthy relationship with other people’s opinions is actually needed. It teaches us what works in communities and what doesn’t. It keeps people accountable to each other. However, so many of us, myself included, let the obsession with what other people think run amok and control our whole lives.
We’ve been raised to be nice and not make any waves. Especially in the corporate setting, we place value on being a team player and suppressing your own needs for the greater good. Over time, that completely hinders our lives. We play small, keep quiet and make sure that other people’s needs are met over ours. It can cause an unbearable amount of stress and sadness. Ultimately, it leads to us not living lives on our own terms.
This is glaringly evident when it comes to staying in a career you hate. So much of what keeps us stuck is our fear of what other people will think or say, how our family/friends will react, how upset our spouse will be, etc. If you’re going to find the courage to go after a life you love, you first have to learn how to stop people pleasing and be your authentic self.
On this week’s episode, I’m so excited to have on Dr. Aziz Gazipura to talk about his book Not Nice and how we can go about limiting these toxic tendencies we’ve picked up. Dr. Aziz is the world’s leading confidence expert. He helps people break free from hesitation, fear, and self-doubt so they can rapidly grow their businesses, become more powerful leaders, and enjoy outstanding relationships. He completed his doctoral training at Stanford and Palo Alto Universities and is the founder of the Center For Social Confidence. He has a large online following with his podcast and YouTube videos and is the author of two additional best selling books: The Solution To Social Anxiety and The Art Of Extraordinary Confidence.
Here is what we chat about in this episode:
Where to find Dr. Aziz:
Follow along for more:
- Why niceness isn’t rooted in goodness but rather in fear
- How to deal with the long view of changing your view to being more authentically yourself
- How to handle other people’s emotions in reaction to you speaking up for yourself
- Why it is necessary to be authentically yourself even if it hurts the people closest to you.
- How Embarrassment Inoculation can change your life